5 Thriller Mistakes That Weaken Suspense (& How to Fix Them)

You finished the first draft of your thriller, but now what? If you're like most writers, you're probably starting to wonder whether it actually works. Does the danger feel real? Do the twists land? Will readers stay up past their bedtimes to find out what happens?

To help you answer these questions, we first need to get clear what suspense is (and how it’s created). Suspense is the feeling readers get when they care about a character, can see what might go wrong for them, and don’t know whether it will. 

And so in this post, I'm going to walk you through five common mistakes I see thriller writers make, why they weaken the suspense, and how to start fixing them in your own draft. Let's dive in!

Mistake #1: A Weak or Underdeveloped Antagonist

The first mistake is one of the least obvious, but one of the most damaging—and that is when a writer ends up with an underdeveloped antagonist who doesn’t pose a believable threat to the protagonist.

Maybe you have plenty of action and dangerous situations in your story, but your antagonist is mostly "off screen" and only shows up for the final confrontation in the climax. Or maybe your antagonist shows up here and there, but only when you need them to create another problem for your protagonist. Or maybe they just don't seem like that big of a threat to your protagonist in general (oops!). 

Whichever it is, this is a problem because readers need to believe your protagonist could actually lose. And when your antagonist doesn't feel like a credible threat, even the most exciting action scenes can only sustain readers' interest for so long. (That's also why this mistake is so easy to miss. All the action can make a draft feel tense, even when the threat behind it is thin.)

As an example of what I mean, let’s say you’ve written a story about Kate, a reporter who is digging into a string of disappearances in her town, and whoever is behind those disappearances stays completely off the page until the final confrontation. Maybe Kate has to deal with random obstacles that get in her way (more on this later), but nothing of significance pushes back on Kate as she investigates. And because of that, readers have no real reason to worry about her until the very end when the antagonist shows up. And by then, it’s hard to suddenly fear someone we’ve never really seen or felt the presence of.

Now, this doesn't mean your antagonist has to be “on screen” all the time. Their identity can stay a secret until the very end (if that makes sense for your story). But the pressure they put on your protagonist—and the problems they create—needs to show up on the page from the beginning. Because that’s what will help you create the kind of tension and suspense readers come to thrillers for. 

Ask yourself: Before the climax, what problems does my antagonist create for my protagonist? If the answer is “none” or “not enough,” then you need to develop your antagonist a bit more and/or better show the impact of their actions on the page.

Mistake #2: The Stakes Aren't Personal Enough

Another common mistake I see thriller writers make is that they’ll establish objectively high stakes, but those stakes won’t actually mean anything to the protagonist. 

People could die, a criminal mastermind could escape, or something catastrophic could happen, but the protagonist doesn't stand to lose anything that matters to them if they don’t succeed in stopping the threat. 

And this is a problem because if your protagonist isn't personally invested in the outcome, readers won't be either. They may follow what's happening for a while, but they won't worry much about how it turns out. And that is a big suspense killer. 

As an example, imagine that in the first draft of our made-up story, Kate is covering the disappearances only because her editor assigned the story, and the missing women are all strangers to her. The situation is serious, but her connection to it is mostly professional. If she fails, the worst that happens is a story that doesn't get written, so readers have little reason to worry about her.

Ask yourself: Does the central conflict in my story threaten something that really matters to my protagonist (like a loved one, their freedom, their career, or something else meaningful)? If not, then you need to develop the stakes a little bit more and/or be more deliberate about showing them on the page.   

Mistake #3: Your Protagonist Is Too Passive

Another easy-to-make mistake is having an overly passive protagonist—someone who spends most of the story reacting to the threat instead of trying to stop it.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s normal for a character to start off reacting to the central conflict because they are literally being pulled into it, usually against their will. But in a lot of thriller drafts, the protagonist remains reactive for too long. They wait for someone to tell them what to do, follow clues other characters uncover, or get pulled from one dangerous situation to the next—over, and over, and over again.

And this is a problem for two main reasons. First, it’s not very fun to watch a character flop around the plot like a wet noodle. Readers choose thrillers because they want to see someone fight back against the bad guys, and fighting means being proactive at some point. Second, if your protagonist never makes a plan, takes a risk, or tries to outthink the person who’s after them, readers have no one to root for and there goes the suspense you’re trying to evoke. 

Take our made-up draft as an example. Imagine that the protagonist Kate spends most of the story waiting for the detective on the case to call with updates. Even if those calls bring new clues, someone else is driving the investigation, so readers end up waiting along with Kate instead of watching her do something. And that’s boring.

Ask yourself: What does my protagonist do to stop the threat, rather than just react to it? If the answer is “not much,” then you need to develop your protagonist’s goal and motivation a little more and/or make sure they have enough agency on the page. 

Mistake #4: The Danger Doesn’t Escalate

Another mistake I see often in thriller drafts is that the danger never really escalates. 

The protagonist gets past one obstacle, then runs into another one just like it, and maybe an even less dangerous one after that. There might be plenty of stuff happening, but the situation doesn’t really change. The character still has the same options, the same allies, and (seemingly) all the time in the world to figure things out.

And this is a surefire way to drain the tension and suspense out of a story. Because readers get used to danger when it’s all the same flavor or intensity. The first time a character narrowly escapes the bad guy’s henchman, it’s exciting. But by the fifth time, readers already know how it goes, and they’ll be less interested in moving forward in the story because the rest is probably the same. 

As an example, imagine that in our made-up story, Kate gets an anonymous message telling her to stop digging. A few chapters later, a car follows her home. Then someone leaves another warning on her windshield. Each moment is scary on its own, but they’re all the same kind of threat at the same level, and none of them actually changes anything. After each one, Kate is shaken for a bit, then goes right back to investigating the same way she was before. So readers learn that every threat will blow over, and by the third warning, they’ve stopped worrying.

Now, just to be super clear, “danger that escalates” doesn’t have to mean bigger explosions, longer car chases, or more violence. Some of the most effective escalations are things like:

• An ally who turns out to be working for the other side. Now your protagonist has lost someone they were relying on, the antagonist may know everything they’ve shared, and they don’t know who else they can trust.
• A plan your protagonist was counting on falls through. Now they have fewer ways to stop the threat, so they have to take bigger risks.
• A deadline moves up. Now they have less time, so they have to act before they’re ready.

In each case, the threat itself isn’t necessarily objectively bigger, but your protagonist’s position is weaker. That’s what makes readers worry more.

Ask yourself: In any given scene, how is my protagonist’s situation harder or more dangerous than it was five scenes earlier? If you can’t say, then you need to dig into your central conflict (the main source of danger in your story) and/or show more clearly how the threat escalates on the page. 

Mistake #5: Withholding Too Much Information From Readers

And finally, the fifth mistake is withholding too much information from readers, essentially keeping them in the dark. 

Now, this usually comes from a good instinct. You know thrillers need suspense, so you hold things back. Maybe your protagonist discovers something important, but you hide what it is from readers. Or you save a key piece of information (that the reader really should have) for a big reveal later on, counting on that absence of information to create suspense. 

But suspense doesn’t work that way. And withholding too much information usually just creates confusion for readers. 

If readers don’t have enough information and context to understand what’s happening (or why they should care), they’re going to be completely lost, disengaged, or bored. 

Let’s look at our example. Imagine that Kate finds an anonymous letter in her mailbox. She reads it, goes pale, and immediately runs inside and locks all the doors, but readers never find out what that letter says. They might wonder what’s inside, but they won’t know what she’s afraid of or what’s at stake now, so there goes all the suspense! This is how authors can inadvertently shut readers out of the story when they’re trying to do the opposite and pull them in. 

Now, to be clear, this doesn’t mean you have to give everything away. You can (and often should) hold back some things, like who’s behind the threat and/or why. But readers do need to know enough to understand the shape of the threat and how it’s affecting your character.

(Heads up: If you’re writing an unreliable narrator, that’s a whole different thing. There, hiding information is a deliberate part of the design, and the story is built to pay it off. But that’s a topic for another day.)

Ask yourself: In the scenes where my point-of-view character learns or realizes something important, do readers learn it too? If not, you probably need to work on getting more interiority (what your character is thinking, noticing, and realizing) on the page and/or trusting your own story to keep readers engaged without withholding information they need in order to understand the story. 

Final Thoughts

If you recognize a few of these mistakes in your draft, don’t worry. It happens. These are some of the most common problems I see in thriller drafts, and they’re often connected.

For example, a protagonist with nothing personal at stake has little reason to take action. A protagonist who doesn’t take action never gets in the way enough to make the antagonist push back. And without that pushback, the danger never escalates. One problem can cause several others.

That’s why it helps to figure out what’s really causing the problems in your draft before you start revising. Otherwise, it’s easy to spend weeks fixing symptoms while the bigger issue stays put. The “Ask yourself” questions in this post are a good place to start. And if any of them were hard to answer, that’s usually a sign there’s something deeper to dig into.

If you’d like help finding what’s really going on in your draft and deciding what to fix first, check out my Revision Accelerator course. It walks you through how to look at your manuscript as a developmental editor would so you can see what's working, what isn't, and why—and then build a clear, prioritized plan for your revision.